Terrific Thursday

Today I am grateful for the impacts that we make without realizing it. How our words and actions can help, support, encourage, and hurt. Let's try not to let our impacts hurt.

Today I am also grateful when you are informed of the impact we make. Bridget, David, Nicole, and I are in a very exclusive club. I found out today that not only does she read this, but that it has helped. All that I have ever wanted to do since Katie is to keep her memory alive and to let others know they are not alone. I would like to hear more about Carson if you have time.

"And now for something completely different"

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.
Two women walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

Did you hear that a Harry Potter theme park is going to be built in Florida. They claim that it will have as much magic as the books. Their first trick... making the money from your wallet vanish.

What would you call a Wiener dog's wiener? A lil' smokie.

Did you hear the story out of India. Lawyers tied a young man to a tree and beat him outside a court in India for refusing to marry one of their relatives.

The man was quoted as saying this pain only lasted for a little bit and ended versus marriage which lasts a lot longer.


There, I feel better now.

Hump Day

Today I am grateful for the little things. Work week being half over, a good dinner, my wang.

I am grateful today for my Mom. We have a monthly engagement for dinner and had a wonderful dinner at Carrabba's. She is easy to talk to. She doesn't intrude on my life and enjoys peaceful moments like I do. I know she wants to be more involved, but is patient and loving. I love her for that.

I am also grateful for coincidence. Today I received an email incorrectly to epayne@gmail.com. I get so much email from people who think they are emailing someone else. I kindly reply stating they have the wrong email address. Usually I don't get a response afterwards, but this was funny so I share.

Ross is the guy's name and he emailed Estelle Payne to congratulate her on her good news. I replied that he had the wrong email address and to apologize for the confusion. He, in turn, replied back saying thank you and that if I was pregnant, congratulations to me too. Therefore, I replied to him saying that my wife is and to wish Estelle congratulations from Nicole and I.

Ross is in Australia. If he replies back again, maybe this will begin a strange pen pal friendship as he sounds nice. It's funny how it's the little things that can make the biggest impacts on your life. Now I don't know if this will be one of them, but think back on your own and see what you come up with.

My favorite is the "Stripping Pizza Man" story. I can go into that more, but if the strange people I delivered Cheese Stix to did not make me an offer to come back and party with them and Glen Robinson, I would not have met my best friends, my wife, and my life would be completely different.

Thanks Mad Mushroom.

Back to the GrindStone

Today I am grateful for new things. I am training a coworker and he is eager to get on the phones and resolve issues. While he may not know the product yet, the attitude is refreshing. Also, my dog got a new bed and apparently loves it. Currently not bothering Nicole or I and I like that.

I am also grateful for not being on-call. I was able to leave work today and not have to think about it. I actually stayed later to help some coworkers out. I am happy to help and I believe that they are grateful. They don't have a glog, so I write this on their behalf.

My God it is hot outside. How hot is it? It's so hot, that Paris Hilton didn't know what to say. Isn't it still spring. Just like Indiana. Don't like the weather, wait five minutes. 12 weeks in Washington sounds like a good idea. I'm not stalking Shelly, but if you think you see me, you didn't.

Memorial Day

Today I am grateful for Holidays. Today is Memorial Day. The day in which we remember our fallen Americans. Also the day for dumb asses around the block to set off fireworks because the stores are now open.

Today I am also grateful for accomplishments. Got Sarah's room done today. Wrote down a list of items to get done before she gets here and it is very short. Very excited about that. Wrote down a list of things to get done around the house before Sarah gets here. Much longer list. Not excited about that.

Finally, today I am grateful for Nicole's Mother. We have gotten the feeling over the last couple of days that our parents want to help us finish things up. So Nicole invited her mother to come over and do laundry for all of the baby clothes. My God, do we have a lot of clothes. Based on the number of items that we have that is 0-3 months, clothes are dispensable. We could put her in something new everyday and not wear the same thing twice. When she gets to 3-6 months we don't have as much. When we get to 6-12 months, the baby will be naked. By then, we will been shopping so the baby won't have to be naked even though babies love it when they are.

And on the seventh day....

I rested. Man it felt good. I am grateful for accomplishing some tasks today while at the same time relaxing and sleeping in. I am also grateful that it is Sunday and I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

Today Nicole and I picked out the last couple of items for Sarah's room. It's been tough and we have procastinated as much as possible but it is coming down to the wire to get things done. No major changes, but new decorations and a new feel to make this room Sarah's.

Tomorrow we get to finish her room. Some touch-up paint, some caulking around trim (that sounds dirty), and some cleaning and we are ready to go. I am trying not to countdown to everything but it is hard to do.

Once Sarah gets here, I should have some time to schedule my next comedy engagement. I still think back about it and remember how cool it was. I do have a video that can be downloaded if anyone is interested.

Reunited

Reunited and it feels so good. I took the last week off as I was on-call at my work. Being on-call makes me available via cell phone 24/7 and they take advantage of that. If I was not on my cell phone I was not near a computer so I didn't make any entries. Sorry about that. I am grateful to Nicole for taking care of me during that week.

Today I am grateful for things coming together. Nicole and I finally have a date for Sarah's arrival. June 14th. Everything is scheduled including my time off. I am grateful for that too. I think Nicole and I are going to relax the day before and go to a spa. Manicures and facials for both. Nicole will get a pedicure. I am looking for a relaxation massage. Nicole says I can't get a happy ending but I am still hopeful.

Happy Endings to you all..

A Little R and R

Today I am grateful for relaxation. The beginning of this week was so hectic. It is nice to have a relaxing evening at home with my lovely wife.

I am also grateful for everyone who has inquired about my comedy routine. It is a wonderful feeling to know how much everyone cares about you. You can check it out at http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch_clips.php?clip=Eric_Payne_20070515&channel=303

Nicole was showing me a picture of this woman with fake boobs and nothing else. She kinda looked like the lady from There's Something About Mary. It's nice to know that when she dies and decomposes her boobs will still be firmly planted on her chest. The other funny part was how everyone around her was taking pictures, pointing, and making comments. I would only imagine that she has to think she is hot stuff. No one would like that much attention if they thought they were unattractive. Way to go Grandma!

Comedy Tonight

Something familiar, something peculiar
Something for everyone: a comedy tonight
Something appealing, something appalling
Something for everyone: a comedy tonight

Today I am grateful for dreams. I achieved a dream of mine tonight that I never even realized I had until a very smart woman asked me if I could be anything, what would that be?

A Stand-Up Comic. (Thanks Shelly)

Tonight was my first stand-up comedy routine. I only had three minutes but what a time it was. I was nervous, excited, and scared at the same time. It was thrilling. It was over before I knew it. I had 6 index cards with material and only got to 2 of them. I guess I have more stuff for the next time. It is amazing how you can't see anything when you are up there. It was actually good that I couldn't as the audience dissappeared and wasn't able to feed my nervousness. Was I funny? I think so. I got some laughs eventhough half the crowd was there for me. Will I do it again? Your damn right I will. A comedian gots to do what a comedian gots to do.

I am also grateful for all of my family and friends that showed up to support me. It meant everything to show you all cared and I love you all for that. Below is a list in no particular order of the people present as I believe they deserve recognition too.

Nicole (my wife)
Sharon (Mom)
GayAnn (mother-in-law)
Flo
Jean
Todd
Craig
Michelle (Shelly)
Christian
Laura
Aggie
Jeff
Thom
Nicole
Kathy
Myles
Tera
Leila
John
Kate
Tony
Michelle
Rob

There are a couple of other people that did not make it but really wanted to support me and have. I thank them as well. (You know who you are)

Coming Home

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Almost There

Today I am grateful for several things.
1. Nicole asserting her independence and going on the Womyn's camp.
2. Mama Gena for telling Nicole to ask for what she wants.
3. My friend Tony for finally getting that college degree after 20 or so years.
4. For my company being so busy that opportunities are around the corner for me.
5. Being acknowledged by a manager that is not my own for the work I do.
6. The ability to be me for a whole weekend.
7. The support I am getting from everyone about my comedy routine.
8. Getting excited about Sarah.
9. Getting excited and nervous about my comedy routine.
10. A new leaf blower.

I am concerned about one thing that I saw yesterday... Barry Gibb's nipple. There are certain things in life that you do not need to experience to know it is bad. Some phrases come to mind that are experiences I have not had and don't need to.
"That tastes like Sh*t." Has anyone really tasted that. If you have, don't tell me.
"It's like a bullet in your head." One word, ouch.
"That tastes like piss." The only person who I would understand saying that is Kevin Costner (Waterworld)
"Gag me with a chainsaw" I've seen a lot of horror movies and haven't seen this gem yet.
"Hey look, Barry Gibb's nipple" Wednesday on American Idol, very scary. Note to self, when I am 60 don't wear see through clothing.

Nose to the grind stone

Well it's Monday. I got a job. I got sh*t to do. I am grateful for that. I would go stir crazy with nothing to do. Got a tour of St.Vincent's Women Hospital today. It is nice. I think Nicole and I are going for the suite. It's an extra $100 a day but there are two rooms and how often do you get a chance for a suite in a hospital.

I am also grateful for Sarah's activity. It keeps us sane. She is currently kicking the crap out of mom. Sarah is the only person I know that I will allow to kick Nicole's butt and I won't do anything about it. I swear this girl is all feet and they are pushing.

Sharing

Today I am grateful for sharing. Shelly read my "Hooray for Boobies" post and decided to share a funny video on Breastfeeding and a great shot of a tree with a nipple. Thanks Shelly.

I am also grateful for Nicole's pregnancy. It gives us the gift of life, the amazement at the wonder of nature, and the ability to blame anything on the pregnancy. This pregnancy has given Nicole several gifts too. She now has a better sense of smell than our Beagle. She also now has two shelves for storing various items. I'm thinking knick-knacks.

I am also grateful for Tide To-Go. Spilled some "Hot Pockets", actually "Lean Pockets" as I am concerned about my figure but still want diarrhea from time to time, on my shirt. Okay, I stole that last bit, but it is funny. Nicole bought some and it worked wonders. Stain is gone. No muss, no fuss. I highly recommend for anyone with a upper shelf, lower shelf, or both shelves.

Hooray for Boobies

Today I am grateful for the precision in which our bodies work. I am amazed to see how inter-connected we are as a species and the delicate balance nature provides. I am also amazed how we as humans strive for that same balance.

Today I am also grateful for boobies. Today Nicole and I attended a Breastfeeding class. I have also realized that I am 12 years old mentally. We joked about seeing boobies (by the way, I can't not smile when writing or saying the word "boobies") but I really did not expect to see them. I expected mannequins and fake boobies but we saw them on tape. It was odd. The only boobies I had seen on tape had other purposes and I was a bit perplexed. It was good that we talked about it. I would encourage any man to talk to his partner before seeing other boobies (especially professional boobie places) to gather the ground rules. Do I look? Do I point? Do I shout out "Damn, check out them knockers?" By the way the answer to the last one is no.

I could have handled the video as typically there was a baby attached and they made it less juvenile. But some of the scenes were just too much. One lady just whipped open her shirt and flopped out both boobs with no baby around. WTF???!!! That one threw me for a loop. Then there was "Hands On" training. The instructor is grabbing her boobs. The class is grabbing their boobs. I didn't know where to look, I was panicked. I swear if someone had whipped one out I would have bolted.

All in all it was a good experience. I was pretty well behaved for the most part. My mentality was contained to the occasional wink and smile to Nicole. I kept is bottled up inside. Then class was ended. Thank Goodness. I walk outside and can't hold it in any longer. I start to giggle. I get to the car, close the door, and shout "Boobies!" Now Nicole makes me smile anytime she leans over and gently whispers in my ear "Boobies." I Love her for understanding my age and catering to it.

Man, I love being 12.

The Alpha and the Omega

Today I am grateful for beginnings and endings. Many consider endings to be a negative aspect but I don't believe that is true. Endings are necessary for new beginnings. Endings can be a goal achieved, an accomplishment, a victory.

Yesterday, Nicole was pinned by IU Kokomo for her completion of her academic coursework and achieving an Associates degree in Nursing. I am so proud of her. Her classwork is ending. Her new career as a Registered Nurse is beginning.

Tomorrow I get to go to a breast feeding class. I will probably get to see boobies and I am grateful for that. Hee hee. If you hear someone sound like Beavis from 10am - 12:30pm tomorrow, that is me.

Did you hear that Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail? Also, Fox unveiled its new reality show "Prison Break, The Simple Life 3!" Not to hog all of the spotlight, Nicole Richie released a statement about something but no one cared.

Remembering the Past

Today I am grateful for memories. They are what make you rich. I have been thinking back since the auditions yesterday and the questionnaire that you have to fill out makes you think as well. Check it out for yourself.

http://www.nbc.com/Casting/Applications/DOND_Long_App.pdf

I wanted to share one of my answers with you. I think its funny. And if you can't laugh at yourself, you probably don't laugh much. That is a shame.

16) Describe your most embarrassing moment.
It was 5th grade. I had to fart. I tried to let it out slowly hoping it would be silent. It was not. It was the longest fart in the history of my life. At the end, the entire class was silent but for one person, my teacher, Mr. Wyatt. His only response was to put his hand on my shoulder and speak softly "Easy boy. Easy."

Moral of the story:
May people remember what you left behind in life and hopefully can't smell it.

Deal or No Deal

Today I am grateful for comfortable shoes. I am also grateful for chairs that are very portable. Finally, I am grateful for a cool spring breeze on a hot first day of May.

Today I stood in line for 7 hours for a 20 second interview. Why, you may ask? Today was open casting calls for Deal or No Deal. There were a ton of people there. The line was at least a mile long maybe two. We all stood in line for a chance to go on a game show for a chance to win money. There were people from Michigan, Kentucky, Ohio, Illinois, and even Wisconsin. I met many of them. It is nice that when complete strangers are together for a long time, you can quickly develop a bond and a brief friendship.

So what was the 20 second interview. Basically after filling out a one page questionnaire, you were given 20 seconds to tell the person your name, your occupation, and something unique about you. Here's mine...

Hello, my name is Eric Payne and I am a technical support engineer for a local software company so basically if your computer breaks and you actually speak to someone in the US, you are talking to me. Many of my friends refer to me as the "stripping pizza man" and in two weeks I will begin my professional stand-up career at a local comedy club.

The guy giggled at the stripping pizza man bit and I liked that. So what's next? Don't know. After the extensive interview, we were excused to go home. They may call, they may not. Either way, I feel that I have a better chance than any lottery to get on that show. If I do, maybe I will win some money to go on that dream vacation, provide a quality education for Sarah, and donate some to the International Vasa Previa Foundation.

Good luck to all that hung out with me; it was an experience to remember.